You Left Me Behind
by mdelpin
Summary: All Gray remembered was Lyon trying to cover his face as he screamed out Gray's name, then it was just a jumble of loud, jarring noises and pain followed by blissful darkness. Gray had woken up at Mass General Hospital days later with both knees broken from the impact and a new liver, Lyon's dying gift, transplanted inside of him. Now it was time to say goodbye. For Lyoray Week


Lyoray Week

Prompt: Aftermath

You Left Me Behind

Gray got out of the car slowly, not that he did anything quickly these days. Natsu had been kind enough to take the day off from work to bring him to the cemetery knowing how important this was to him.

However, now that Gray was here he couldn't seem to move past the front gate. He heard the car door shut behind him. Heard Natsu's steps as they neared him, felt Natsu's hand squeeze his shoulder.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Natsu asked quietly as he hugged him from behind, putting his head on Gray's shoulder. "I know this is hard for you, tell me what you need."

Gray squeezed the hands that were clasped around his middle gratefully. It was what he needed, just a little push to get him going. This was a visit that had been a long time coming, he'd kept putting it off for so many reasons, but there were a lot of things he needed to get off his chest, and unless he told them to Lyon directly they would feel meaningless.

He took a shaky breath and leaned on his cane to steady himself. "No, I can do it."

Just a few months ago he would have barked that out or lashed out at Natsu for assuming he wasn't capable of doing something but he'd finally lost the chip on his shoulder, and a lot of that was thanks to Natsu.

"I brought you a chair, I thought you might get tired standing there for a long time. Let me at least put it there for you, and I'll come back to the car."

Gray turned around slowly and captured Natsu's lips in a gentle kiss. "Thank you."

Natsu smiled at him, touching his forehead to Gray's before letting go and grabbing the chair that he'd set down. They walked together quietly, following Loke's instructions to Lyon's grave. Loke had offered to come as well, but some of the things Gray needed to get off his chest were too personal for him to share with anyone but Lyon.

True to his word, Natsu set the chair down and after making sure Gray was settled walked back towards the car. He'd come back and say his own words when he retrieved the chair.

Gray held on to his cane tightly, staring at the headstone Loke had so lovingly picked out. There was a large bouquet of roses in a vase that was part of the base, letting him know Loke had been here recently.

_Lyon Vastia_

_September 5, 1997 - September 14, 2017_

_Beloved son, friend, and fiancé_

_Though you will be missed, we know you'll _

_be watching over us from your place in the stars_

Gray smiled at the message, that must have been Loke as well. He'd always been a nut for anything to do with astrology.

"Hi, I guess," Gray ran his fingers through his hair not sure what to do with his hands. It was stupid to feel this nervous talking to someone who wasn't even there. "I'm not really sure how to do this. I've only really ever visited my parents' graves."

He looked around to make sure no one was close enough to listen to him. Once he was satisfied, he cleared his throat and began speaking.

"I've never been good at long flowery speeches, so I guess I'll get to the point," Gray immediately tensed up, and had to remind himself that this was the reason he was here. "Was it my fault? Did I distract you by talking?"

He remembered the car ride well. Lyon had been driving, they'd both been tired but excited to make the long drive to Boston. They'd been scouted and offered a spot in the Boston Bruins training camp. If they performed well they'd have a real shot at playing on an NHL team. It was a dream they'd been working towards since they met in their first Squirt League thirteen years ago.

"We were so close, Lyon!" Gray didn't attempt to hide his frustration, he was sure Lyon could relate, "I heard they replaced us with Invel and some other guy I'd never heard of. God, Invel was such a dick, remember?"

No one had been able to satisfactorily explain how the crash happened. The other driver had been drunk, that was true, but Lyon hadn't attempted to brake or veer away from the oncoming car. All Gray remembered was Lyon trying to cover his face as he screamed out Gray's name, then it was just a jumble of loud, jarring noises and smells and pain followed by blissful darkness. Gray had woken up at Mass General Hospital days later with both knees broken from the impact and a new liver, Lyon's dying gift, transplanted inside of him.

The tears finally started to come, "I see Loke every day, Erza offered him a job at the house while he got himself together. I know he doesn't blame me for what happened, but I do. I was in the car with you. Why did I survive when you didn't? You had so much more to live for and Loke, he's so sad, even though he doesn't like to show it. He misses you, and he's stuck taking care of _me. _How fucked up is that?"

God, I was so angry at you for leaving me behind. You were the one I always measured myself up against and with you gone, I was so lost. What was I supposed to do without you? I know I never said it, but you were my best friend."

"Damn it!" Gray wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, although it didn't help much. These had been a long time coming, and he knew he'd have to let them all out before he could truly move on.

"I know I gave you a hard time about Loke, and even though you never complained, I'm sorry. I didn't really mean it. I think I was a little in love with you for a while there, but I was too stupid to realize it. Seeing how happy you were with him, it- it hurt in a way I didn't quite understand."

To his amusement he found himself avoiding looking at the headstone as if he thought Lyon could judge him through it somehow.

"I really wish you could have had the life you were planning, and I promise you that I won't waste mine. I'm only alive because of you, although it feels weird knowing that a part of you is inside of me."

Gray chuckled through his tears, "Couldn't resist saving my ass one last time, could you? Gotta admit that threw me for a loop at first."

Gray showed the cane to the headstone, "I've had to slow down, and I'll never be able to play professionally. At first, I believed my life was over, but then I'd think of you and how you would never give up and well, I couldn't let you be better than me could I?

Natsu has helped a lot too, he got me to put skates on again for the first time since the accident. I taught him how to ice skate, can you imagine that? Me, ice skating for fun and trying to show someone else, I have to believe you laughed at that one if you were watching. He's trying to convince me to start training and maybe work up to joining some sort of pickup league, but I don't really know if I want to play hockey without you."

You were the best friend I could have asked for, and I can only hope that I was the same for you. I— I loved you, Lyon and I miss you every day. There, I said it."

"I can almost hear you laughing at me you know," Gray snorted as he got up from the chair. "I'm sorry it took me so long to come see you, I promise I'll be by more often, and... I'll watch over Loke for you," He paused before adding a teary, "Goodbye Lyon. Thank you... for everything."

Gray grabbed the hockey puck he'd put in his coat pocket that morning and placed it on top of the headstone. It was the first goal he'd gotten past Lyon back when they were ten, and he'd held on to it ever since. "Someday, I know we'll get to play again."

He turned around and walked back to the entrance, Natsu already walking towards him. Gray hugged him tightly, fully aware of how lucky he was to be alive and have Natsu by his side.

Gray let Natsu go pay his respects and continued his walk towards the car, his mind caught up in memories of two young boys who's fondest wish had been to become professional hockey players.

Visiting Lyon's grave had made him feel a bit lighter, but he knew some of the sadness he felt would never leave him, Lyon had been too big a part of his life for him to ever be able to forget.

Natsu put the chair in the trunk and got in the driver's seat, turning his head towards Gray. "Home?"

Gray smiled and leaned his body as close to Natsu's as the middle console would allow, putting his hand behind Natsu's neck and nudging him forward for a kiss. Natsu looked surprised but followed along, allowing himself to be kissed.

"Let's go out to lunch," Gray suggested, "I think it's time I took you out on a proper date, don't you?"

It was time for him to stop hiding in his house. Yes, he'd had to let go of his biggest dream, but that didn't mean he couldn't make new ones. Gray would never stop missing Lyon, but he _could_ move forward and live the best life he could, for both of them.

A/N: This kind of goes with a story I'm writing. I've only got the first chapter done, but I always knew I wanted this to happen, even though it didn't really fit into the scope of the story itself. So I decided to go ahead and write it out for Lyoray Week


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